Summers Almost Over

With the season quickly coming to an end, I thought that I would recap everything that happened this summer in one post.

With Saucy Jessie:
- We took a hike to the top of a mountain... a small mountain, but a mountain none-the-less.
- We had a great time getting hit on by midgets!
- We saw the gorilla... I mean bear... (what the hell is in that cage?), at the Springfield Zoo.
- Midnight cruise with Tom on the Connecticut River? Uh-Huh!
- Go to a bonifre party, get marmellows and a scratch on my new car? No way!?

With Nick:
- We went to Mohegan Sun, spent a night in their hotel, played slots for hours, ate a $50 steak, and only walked out few dollars poorer.
- We went to a Pats pre-game and had some of the best seats ever, (right behind the goal post!)
- Mini-Golf with Jessie and Tom!! Yes, I'll pay for your ice-cream.

With Kristen C.:
- We took that horrid test - but we passed it the first time through!
- We watched HOUSE. And we liked it. HeHe.

With Kristen P.:
- We had some of the best burritos ever at that pre-game.
- Coffee night started as a way to escape Treydon's - amd will still come in handy for the rest of the year.

With Eric:
- We finally took the time to catch up again. It's nice to have you back!

Just Me:
- I traded in the Focus for an Ion.
- I got transfer I wanted to Admin Assistant for Citizens.


All right - hope that you all have fun remembering what went on. If I forgot anything, lemme know! This can't be a complete list... I know this because I smoke too much.

Later guys!

Hummers: The Gift of Satan?

Per usual, I was driving home from work in a bit of a daze - and out of nowhere a two ton Hummer comes barreling down a congested and narrow road without looking to see if anyone else was driving on it first and if it weren't for the fact that I drive a small car and have quick reflexes I'd probably be dead right now. I flipped the guy off and kept driving. And even though a Hummer driver may not come that close to hitting me again I have decided that from now on every one of these vehicles that passes me will get the finger and I think everyone out there should do the same thing. (I have since come across a whole website dedicated to Hummer Hating: FUH2.com)

Why?

Well, quite simple: These Ex-Military vehicles do not belong on our streets for a number of reasons and I think this one is such a horrific offense to the people of this country that the only thing that came to mind when trying to explain this are the Seven Deadly Sins*. Each sin is listed below with the reason, (and in many cases reasonS), why these vehicles are nothing more then a gift of Satan himself.

Pride: Why else would someone spend that much money to drive around in this god awful thing? They could own a nice Lexus Hybrid** or one of those high end Mercedes SUV's - instead they want the status of the Hummer. They want to advertise to the world that "Hey, I drive a tank and I can AFFORD the $300 to fill the tank every two days!" It is the essence of American Hubris! Just because everyone else in America needs to go through gasoline like water doesn't mean you have to go through more of it to compete with your neighbors.

Greed: Hmmm - well if I want to get a hybrid and get a TerraPass because it means that I'll be taking less of a chunk out of the environment and maybe even setting an example for others then what kind of message is someone who chooses to drive a Hummer giving? All that it says to me is that they'll take whatever they can get, however they can get it, even if it means they have to support a war that kills their children, destroy the environment and take up more space on a city street to do it. The other, and more confusing part of this whole thing, is that everybody knows that people who buy a hybrid get a tax break - but did you know that people who drive SUV's get one too? Greedy political sons-of-bitches!

Anger: People who drive Hummers cannot, under any circumstances, be nice, caring, giving and happy people. Someone buys a car like that to scream, "I CAN RUN YOU OVER ASSHOLE! AND I CAN AFFORD THE LAWSUIT!!" without saying a word.

Lust: I can see it now: Big, stupid meathead with lots and lots of cash walks into a car dealer and say, "Me Like Big Ugly Car!" Car salesmen says, "Well, it costs a whole lot to run - do you have $100 to get across town?" Caveman with money looks at car dealer and says, "Me Likey! Me Wanty!!" Friends of the Caveman even try to chim in, "But C.M., you don't offroad, you don't tow, and you live in the suburbs! What do you need that car for?" At this point the Caveman doesn't care, he buys it blindly because he doesn't want to listen to anyone - he's in love and nobody is going to stop him. These people have no self control! Moral: Hummers are like fast food people... just because you like it, doesn't mean it's any good for you!

Gluttony: This one seems to be the most applicable of the 7. People who drive this vehicle use too much of the nations resources getting their groceries and picking up the kids from soccer practice. They slurp up the attention of on-lookers - when most of the on-lookers I know are just thinking to themselves how big of an asshole someone is for really owning that thing. These people are like big children that move from one toy to the next - never really happy with what they have because their always after the next big thing.

Sloth: I have put this one last on purpose - because in one way or another every single American that has a car is guilty. Admittedly, I own a car so I am not free of sin - but we need to walk more. Those who choose to drive a Hummer, however, seem to revel in the fact that there is no need to walk when you can ride and spew fumes at the same time.


*I have no belief in god, devil, heaven or hell what-so-ever. I do however, believe that people can sin against man kind and have chosen to use the 7 deadly sins to illustrate my point here because they, like the ten commandments, are universally true.

**Like Lexus, Hummer is coming out with their own "Environmentally Safe" vehicle. They are realeasing a Hydrogen powered Hummer. Now, this sound great and all - but a normal sedan could run weeks and hundreds of miles between fill-up with this technology. A hydrogen powered Hummer on the other hand: 12 gallons = 60 miles between fill-ups. Advances in technology don't mean that we have to up our usage. If we could only keep it the same we might actually see some progress!

Foody Goody Good for You!

We found these at the dessert bar of Foody Goody: (Just for those of you without a good camera phone eye, it is a fetus looking octopus and mini lobster.)



Just in case you don't believe us, here's one taken with a fortune cookie for referance:



We also thought that you would like to see the undercarriage of the aborted octopus: (PS. We were told by the cute Japanese man that it would be slightly salty if we ever dared to try it... we didn't... and we never will.)

So instead we did the right thing to do and freed our little lobster buddy of the confines of his chinese shackeles... even though he's already dead.. and smells kinda funny... but hey... we tried right? (Note: Picture taken on the dashboard of the Saturn for those of you wondering.)

Lefty or Righty Monkeys?

I had a guy come up to the teller line today and after watching me scribble something on a piece of paper said: "You know, we're all born left handed - its only after we commit our first sin that we become right handed."

I know - its not any funnier with me putting it up here then it is when the old guy said it but I thought I'd give it a shot.

The reason that this comment even strikes me as mildly ironic is that my favorite news site ever, CNN.com is making a big deal out of the fact that scientist finally came to the conclusion that apes, like humans, have a hand they favor more then the other. This idea was proposed almost 2 years ago by Jaqueline Donohoe and backed by much of the same research that has made this statement a concrete fact in todays news.

What I'm getting at is that with everything going on today somebody out there is using way too much grant money on something that had been resolved years ago. It's great that it can now be put into high school science textbooks and all - but what real benifit has this given us?

According to these researchers they are trying to draw parellels of understanding to preferances seen in humans, (in some backward sorta way). But while one study says that most humans are right-handed by nature and apes left-handed by nature, the other says while this is true, it is shown that apes that learn from humans from birth have a much greater likelyhood of being right-handed.

The answer seems pretty easy to me! This is a nature vs. nurture argument all over again. Why the big fuse? There may be slightly more to it but who really cares? I am the first person to crave the next scientific discovery. I love hearing about the advancements being made by leaps and bounds everyday. But why people write with one hand or the other? Heck - one argument of this monkey business says that some sort of genetic shift from apes to man caused the right hand preferance. Now, I'm the only person in my nuclear family that writes with my left hand. Does this mean that I have somehow mutated back to the original ape state? Doubt it. I ultimately think that science should stop trying to explain everything down to the genetics of a person. I mean with everything else going on is it really that important?

Minor updates!

Hey peeps!

I have nothing important to say - except that I'm happy Israel has finally pushed a retreat from the Gaza settlements. Even though the Palestinian malitia keeps taking pot shots at those people being removed from their homes, Israel keeps playing the bigger person and isn't reciprocating the violence.

My only hope that Israel doesn't see this as an opportunity to play the martyr... but even if they don't I'm sure that our wonderful media will make it out to seem that way.

All right! Later!

Ringo!

Handicapped vs. Retarded

Once upon a time, in a land that was known as the free world, there was no such thing as being "politically correct". In fact, everybody - or mostly everybody - was so insensitive about everybody elses problems that they walked around actually using words correctly. For example, in times of yore people could actually call another person "gay" without worrying about whether or not they were sleeping with another person of the same sex or not. They could also point to someone walking down the street, pounding at their chest and drooling on themselves and call them retarded.

Now why all of a sudden am I delving into this? Well, the entire thing on midget wrestling got me thinking a little. Midgets are not retarded, they are handicapped. But someone like Timmy on South Park is definitely retarded. You see the two words are not synonomous even though they are constently used that way by people today in an effort to sound less degrading to their fellow man.

My motion is to educate the public as to what the differances are and try and stop this awesome mistreatment of our language. The first step here is to establish what handicapped and retarded actually mean, and for this it would seem logical to go to the source: www.m-w.com.

Handicap*: A: a disadvantage that makes achievement unusually difficult B: sometimes offensive: a physical disability

Retardation*: A: an abnormal slowness of thought or action; also : less than normal intellectual competence usually characterized by an IQ of less than 70 B: slowness in development or progress

As you can see, the two words are definitely related but they aren't trully the same.

We all remember hierarchies from middle school science right? Hierarchies are a way of organizing many different things in a flow chart. The further you go up the chart, the more broad the categories that are listed: ie oriole,bird, animal. The further you go down the chart, the more specific: ie animal, bird, oriole. If you care to notice the chart also works nicely in my words scenario because how like an oriole is always a bird, a bird isn't always an oriole. To take this logic onto my handicapped/retarded question, a retard is always handicapped, but a handicapper isn't always retarded.

By looking back up at the definitions we see that a handicap is classified as something that hinders achievment - a physical handicap. This is a very broad term and can, indeed, be used to describe our poor friend Timmy on South Park and our Midgets that staple dollar bills to their forehead. But a more acurate discription for our poor little drooling friend Timmy is retarded. He is retarded because if we look back at the black and white, his IQ is definitly less than 70 - and even if that can't be proven past a reasonable doubt, then you must agree he has an abnormal slowness of movement and thought. Our buds the Midget's however, couldn't be classified as retarded using any definition. With a little compensation for their handicap they can do everything we can do at just about the same speed.

So why am I even bothering? If retarded people can be classified as handicaped than who cares if the pill popping, psychiatry loving, over-sensitive idiot masses want us all to call them all handicapped. Because it's offensive to the Midgets and a degragation of our vocabulary folks. Instead of teaching people the differances, people would rather choose to ignore entire words and mark them offensive. Look at it this way: this country is going soft and nobody is doing anything about it. Rather then step up and get in other peoples faced about things we shy away and apologize. Instead of apologizing, educate yourself in the proper uses of the words you choose. That way if you're walking down the street and you see someone being pushed in a chair, drooling and flailing around you can point and say to your friends, "Look, a retard!", and if your friend then tries to gently coax you into saying their handicapped, not retarded, you can say, "Nope, their not only suffering a physical disability but they definitly have a low intellect**."


*Entire Definitions can be obtained by following the links provided.

**If you actually point and laugh at a retard in public and then try and cover it up with this lame excuse, I'll buy you a cookie - after I kick you for being an idiot.

The Best Photos....

These have to be the best of the midget night photos I have seen so far.. enjoy everyone! :-)



PS. If Anyone has any of other shots of Jessie getting caught in the act - you are hereby being forced into posting them immediately :). Hey - someone has to have the worlds largest collection of Midget humping Jessie pictures don't they? hehe.

It's like Christmas in August!

Yay!! Midget Photo's are Here!! Check em out! (Thanks Saucy!!)

Midget Wrestling

So I'm feeling a bit dissapointed. You see, Saucy Jessie and I went to see the Half Pint Brawlers, on Friday night at this club in Chipcopee called Maximum Capacity. The show was absolutely fantastic! Midgets getting drunk while beating each other up and hitting on Jessie... it was wonderful! So why am I dissapointed you ask? Well, there were a number of people there with cameras. I had forgotten mine so I made sure that there were people there who were willing to put pictures here for the rest of the blogging community to see.

As you can see - there are no pictures yet.

Eventually there will be though, as soon as someone uploads them onto the site, (Jessie).

All right guys - till next time.

PS. MySpace.com is awful. All I needed to do was get on to the site, message over to this kid Tom who had been walking around all night taking photos and since we had gotten pretty cool that night, ask him to sent them to me - but no. MySpace won' t let me send a message to him or comment to him at all because I'm not a friend. And then - since I don't use the bugging account to do anything but check Jessie's site, I've never bothered to ask her to add me as a friend of her's either. So guess what? I can't do either of thise things on her site either.

Lose the MySpace Jessie - not only is it owned by FOX now but it makes life so darned difficult.

The Iraq Instant Weight Lose System

I want everyone to read this! And Comment damnit! I know you guys are here (I see the counter go up), but I'd never know it... say something! Please?

Reconsidered

Hey guys. I was going to put a post up regarding obese people, (and those of you with editing powers on the Apartment can see how far I had gotten before deciding to can the whole thing), but reconsidered because I went too far for even myself.

The gist is, why can't people be more responsible for themselves? You can only go so far by blaming genetics and medical conditions - besides, half of those medical conditions are caused by the obesity itself not the other way around.

I guess I'm just disgusted with the general public. Having to work within a few feet of the supermarket check out lines I get to see how more people live then I'd ever want and to be completly honest, it's only strengthened my arguements with the diets of people affecting their grotesque largeness.

Now, those of you who have an intimate knowledge of my beliefs know not to get me on this rant because I can be pretty "colorful" with my comments. I do, however, want to clarify something. I am not necessarily talking about all of the overweight people out there. I'm not the smallest person on the planet but being 5'4 and 140Ibs I could still use to drop a few, (15 to 20 to be exact,) before I could go out and start harrassing people on the sidewalk. I'm talking about the people that are my height but come in 70 to 80 pounds heavier. That's just inexcusable. Not only does this behavior show a complete disregard for yourself but for the rest of humanity.

By the rest of humanity I don't just mean that your awful to look at, (although us people who like to live relatively close to our supportable mass are quite disgusted by your heaving, sweaty ass on a hot day getting out of a car with handicap placards because you can't walk properly being 300 pounds on toothpick ankles), I mean that you eat way more then your share, and most of that food is super-processed so it takes more precious resources to make. Even your lifestyle of prepetual sloth, is made easier by the cars and other convieniance items that, because you run them CONSTANTLY, run on way too much of things we as humans across the globe don't have all that much of.

I don't get it. When did people in this country turn around and think that they were entitled to use 15 times more resources then the people of other places?

Just a Quick Commercial Break

Thought I needed to pop in and say that I didn't get abducted or anything - I've just been lazy. I promise that I'll have a real post sometime before tomorrow night. (At least I hope to).

And now for your commercial break:

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Your Welcome!